By News Nectar 
I recently read an article from the December 2023 issue of The AARP Magazine which resonated with me. It’s titled “Bedazzled and Uplifted” by Jan Tuckwood. (You can find it here if you have a subscription, but if you don’t, an illustration is available here.) She writes, “Pain is a product of living.” This phrase sparked reflection on the shared human experience of emotional pain.
Transformation Through Emotional Pain
Life inevitably brings pain, and for many, it’s through emotional agony that we undergo profound transformation. Tuckwood further states:
“Our hearts are destined to crack – a million hairline fractures and a few big crevasses. It’s impossible to avoid and delusional to deny it.”
This echoes my own journey. My marriage ended after many years – a shock to me, though my then-husband had envisioned it for decades. Navigating the emotional pain and necessary changes felt overwhelming. Yet, today, I can look back without the sting of hurt. Instead, healing has filled those voids with invaluable lessons.
The pottery picture above illustrates the Japanese art of Kintsugi. This practice repairs broken pottery with gold, creating pieces that are often more beautiful than before their fractures. According to Wikipedia, Kintsugi treats breakage and repair as integral to an object’s history rather than flaws to hide.
Recovering from a Shattering Event
Does this resonate with you? We all experience events that leave us broken – some create gaping wounds, while others leave mere scars or memories. So how do we transform these breaks into beauty?
Here are some steps I took that I thought would heal the pain but didn’t. Learning from them led me toward recovery.
Running Away… Doesn’t Help
I relocated to a new town with a new partner, hoping for a fresh start. Instead, I found more heartache. It wasn’t until I faced my pain head-on that I began to heal. I allowed myself to feel the hurt, to truly break, and only then could I begin to piece my life back together.
Withdrawing from Others… Isolates You More
In times of confusion and hurt, I often isolate myself. While this feels safe, it risks losing friendships and support. I encourage reaching out, perhaps to a therapist who can provide unbiased support. Finding the right therapist can be like discovering gold; they help mend your brokenness, allowing you to reconnect with loved ones without placing the burden of fixing you on them.
Rushing into New Relationships… Is Even More Messy
In my search for healing, I quickly jumped into another relationship, which only deepened my pain. It took years of being single before I was ready to love again. Rushing can blind us to neon warning signs and add new fractures to our already broken hearts.
Just like in Kintsugi, our heartbreaks can be transformed through the lessons we learn. The repaired self is often more beautiful and stronger than before.
There’s a wealth of resources available to help navigate emotional pain. An article titled “How to Deal with Emotional Pain: 8 Ways to Support Yourself” offers excellent strategies for healing. Additionally, your health insurance can connect you with therapists who specialize in the areas where you seek support.
Our painful breaks and eventual repairs result in resilience and strength. This beautiful pottery symbolizes you, and me.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What emotional pain has led you to major life transitions? How have you dealt with it? Did you make a chain a mistakes to get to where you are today?